Wednesday, August 10, 2011

I am so sad that I have been "away" from my blog for so very long... It always brought me great joy to sit into the wee hours writing about all my loves....my passion....my life...(sigh)  but.. I am better....I am back....   call me....  ;)    Winter was tough, after my surgery, I was doing what my oncology doctor said... I was laying low... I was healing... Well...I thought I was healing....  Valentine's Day is special here. I go all out.. I make a huge meal for my loves, including cheescake stuffed, chocolate dipped strawberries...  I went grocery shopping that day.. Huge smile on my face..It was a wonderful day.  I cooked all day in preparation for our family dinner...  At some point I felt too good..and did too much.....  (I know...it's hard to believe.....)   My 5 inch long incision (where they had removed that nasty, deep Melanoma Tumor)  ripped open... And my husband in changing my dressing that night, discovered it...  I will spare you the details cause well they ain't pretty...  I went in to see my oncology surgeon and she said, " I am sorry...you will have to heal like that...."   I had to be packed twice a day for months as I slowly but surely healed...  By the beginning of May, I was finally healed... My initial surgery was in January....  I am told I can have plastic surgery...  I am all set with that, more surgery does not appeal to me..  And my scar is in a sense a reminder to me of "what could have been"....  It certainly makes me pay more attention to myself... Something I really never did before.. I plan to share my scar through my photography, as getting the word out about Melanoma is beyond important to me..  The Melanoma I had was an agressive kind...a fast moving kind....that likes to migrate quickly to your organs, lymph nodes, breasts and brain...  To say I  am lucky, is an understatement..  I wake up every morning and go to bed saying a big thanks that I am still able to see the sun rise and set....that I am still able to see the beautiful faces of the two amazing little beings that God has blessed me with...that I can still sneak into their rooms in the late late hours and stare at their tiny faces....just to hear them say "Momma" sends me to my happy place.... that I can still feel the warmth of my husbands embrace...and see his smile..  that I can still laugh and be silly with my girls and cry with them at times, as well...  and that I can still create....  and that I am... still.......   I am beyond blessed.... AND... I am ready to create!!   Love and Blessings to you all...  I plan on doing a huge update to my blog...stay tuned...  <3    ~Stacy