My son will soon be 5.. It hurts. It really hurts.. In my mind I KNOW he must and will grow up but my heart is screaming "STOP THIS>>>PLEASE STOP THIS!!!"
My heart just aches for the small helpless baby I once held..So small, so needing his Momma.. Where did that baby go..?? I can still feel the warmth in my arms, the sweet smell of his little baby self.. So perfect, with those eyes that held so much wisdom.. I tried.. I really did. Make every moment count, I would tell myself.. Don't waste a second.. But, I did didn't I.. I really still missed it~~ at least some of it.. I had plans. Plans and dreams of the Mom I wanted to be. Did they come true?? He IS a wonderful child. Still so cuddly and loving and wanting to know the world.. He is and yet my heart still aches for that small helpless one.. This one is crazy~~breaking the speed limit~~always hungry~~stopping for a quick hug~~recharging as I type this.. I LOVE this one.. I do, I really do.. But I yearn for that one... And he will never be again.
I must remember HIM.. I will keep him with me for the rest of my days... In the back of my mind where the happiness lives.. Where babies snuggled in my arms for hours and cares were on feedings and dry pants.. :)
I want so much for him.. SO VERY, VERY MUCH! Grow into a strong caring man, my sweet boy. Stay true to who you are~~don't let anyone change that. Remember kindness and show it to the world. Don't let the little things define you~~you are much more than that. Don't say "maybe later.." when your sweet child climbs into your lap with a bedtime book.. These moments are fleeting...hold onto them with all you have and never let go! Love with all your heart~~don't hold back.. Remember ....always remember.
I know there is much more.. I must close my eyes and dream sweet dreams of my little ones..
One more thing before I do.. SLOW DOWN...stop growing so fast!!
I Love you to the moon and back ~~forever and ever
Momma
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